Friday, July 15, 2005

To Karl, with much love...Tom DeLay

Dear Karl,

I wanted to write and thank you for turning the focus of the entire press corp and the Democrats from me to you. As you know there are various congressional and federal investigations on my connection with sweat shop labor and forced prostitution on the island of Saipan, using Homeland Security resources to track down Texas Democrats in a redistricting scheme, alleged violations of state election laws regarding political funding, my lobbyist paid golf trips to St. Andrews, my intervention in the Schiavo case even though my father was allowed to die under similar circumstances, my veiled threat to sitting judges I disagree with and my hypocrisy of being against trial lawyers and their "frivolous, parasitic lawsuits" that "kill jobs," unless of course it's my family's wrongful death and products liability lawsuit about my father. The Delay family settled for about $250,000. Dad would have been proud. I could go on and on but you get the picture. So your "outing" troubles was a godsend for me since I haven't made a front page in quite a while.

The nation was briefly distracted by the runaway bride, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes and shark attacks. When the Natalee Holloway missing teen in Aruba story broke I thought I was home free. But no. So when the "double super secret background" stuff came out, I knew I was going to have a quiet summer. No one even mentions me now. It's all about CIA agents, anonymous sources, reporters going to jail, (a nice side benefit in all this), grand jury testimony and Democrats screaming for you to be drawn and quartered. It's a dream come true. So if there is anything I can do for you, like free golf in Scotland just let me know.

With much love,

Tom DeLay

P.S. I hope you liked the chocolates.


Blogger d.K. said...

Awesome post. You're so right, Karl Rove has been Tom Delay's early Christmas present times ten. I'd almost forgotten what a ball of slime Delay really is...

5:54 PM  
Blogger Crankyboy said...

DC responds:

Thanks d.k. Amazing how it seems people only have the attention span for one story at a time. DeLay must be so happy.

8:05 PM  

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