Friday, September 30, 2005

Happy Friday! It's great to be alive and an American!


I woke up today in my warm cozy bed with Rick Santorum's book, "It Takes a Family" next to me. I was sent into a peaceful slumber reading it before bedtime last night. I had just read page 138 where he wrote, "The notion that college education is a cost-effective way to help poor, low-skill, unmarried mothers with high school diplomas or GEDs move up the economic ladder is just wrong," when the sandman got me.

I missed the crepuscular adieu of the sun last night but I was able to watch the god affirming sunrise while drinking a double chocolate Pat Robertson diet shake. I turned on Fox News, (is there really any other choice?) and saw the economy going great, (my house is now worth $500 million!), the Iraq War has been downgraded to a "police action" and the surrender of the evil-doers is set for noon on the U.S.S. Missouri and District Attornet Ronnie Earle is going to be indicted for prosecutorial misconduct. Why can't he leave that nice man Mr. DeLay alone? Hasn't he been through enough with three slaps on the wrist by the House Ethics Committee?

So I climb into my Hummer 2 and drive around town taking the least efficient route just so the terrorists don't win. Gas at $3.00? Bottled water and organic milk is more expensive! It is my American birthright to send my tax cut earned dollars to the regimes funding terrorism just so I can get a tall skim latte at Starbucks. I may even drive in circles in a parking lot for no reason just so the terrorists don't win!

I'm off to Best Buy to pick up a few plasma screen HD tvs. In fact, HD tvs for everyone. Put it on my Mileage Plus card I say. If deficits don't matter to the federal government, Cheney told us "Reagan proved deficits don't matter," then my personal deficit doesn't matter to me either.

Oh I can't wait to see Ann Coulter in high definition. The bony, lanky, blond, laugh while you call people traitors is so sexy. There she is saying, "I'm not blaming the Democrats for 9-11 alone. I'm blaming them also for the [USS] Cole bombing, for the embassy bombings, for 20 years of attacks that have not been stopped." If we just had that Republican Harry S. Truman around to nuke some of those people. He didn't just drop the big one he dropped two! We're not going to declare victory and get out of Iraq like that bleeding heart Democrat Richard Nixon. No way.

I pick my kids up at school and take them home. I tried home schooling for a bit but it got in the way of me taking care of my parents and grandparents all four of whom are in a persistent resting state at the local hospice and I expect them to be up and about soon. I watch an awful story on Fox News about religious indoctrination at madrasas in Pakistan but I had to turn it off to fill out a application to Patrick Henry College where Christians can be prepared to take back our country. As Sen. Santorum said on page 386 of his book, "It's amazing that so many kids turn out to be fairly normal, considering the weird socialization they get in public schools." Amen.

Well, time for dinner then I'll read my kids their favorite book, "Help! Mom! There are Liberals Under My Bed!" I'm glad my giving it as gifts to all my friends and family has helped get it to #33 on Amazons most purchased list for all books.

Time for bed. I think I'll leave Bill O'Reilly on so his sweet, manly, American voice can soothe me to sleep. Boy I wish I had the American flag lapel pin concession at Fox News. Another happy, happy, proud to be an American day. God Bless America.


P.S. Wall Street, the 1987 movie is as good now as then. To wit: "Buddy, don't tell me you're so naive to think you live in a democracy?" Or this: "The main thing about money is it makes you do things you don't want to do." Calling Tom "I am the federal government" DeLay.


Blogger Capt. Fogg said...

You had to give a dictionary link to Crepuscular? What's next, homeothrausmatic?

12:06 PM  
Blogger Crankyboy said...

Homeothrausmatic? Are you describing a generic term applied to igneous rocks or the readership of my blog? Or are they the same thing?

12:21 PM  
Blogger d.K. said...

Cranky, Get well soon. But thanks for allowing a guest blogger - I won't start the weekend in quite as bad a mood... :)

8:50 AM  

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