Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Predictions

It's only 21 months until the next presidential election so I thought I would clear my desk early and tell you what's going to happen. Let's go through our "choices."

Sen. Chris Dodd? Who? I mean to say I know who he is only because I have to know who the self-important loudmouths are on Capitol Hill. His daddy, Thomas Dodd, was also a senator from Connecticut. Daddy Dodd lost his 1956 senate run to Prescott Bush, W's granddaddy and H.W.'s daddy but won in 1958. Another hereditary office passed down to Son Dodd. President, Senator - whatever. Junior wants something to do? Let's put him in charge of running the state or the country. On paper Dodd has a decent resume but let's be real - he has no chance and will never get out of single digits. Waste of time for everyone except Son Dodd who might get a few more name recognition points in national polls. Since he was re-elected in 2004 a presidential run, more like walk, is a freebie. File some papers, make an announcement, raise some money, get more television face-time and when you quit after the first few primaries you've lost nothing and your senate seat still has two years left. I actually can't believe I've spent this much time explaining how this guy should do something to help the country instead of himself.

Joe Biden? Oy vey. He's like a more talkative John Kerry. How many ways can this guy open his mouth and insert his feet? Long-winded and cracking racially stereotype "jokes" that can't be funny to even himself isn't what is going to drive voters to the polls. The fact that he comes from one of the smallest states in the country means that there is a chance he'd get even less electoral votes than Walter Mondale got in 1984. Mondale got 13 which is only 13 more than I got and I didn't even run. I'm not wasting anymore time on Biden running for president even if that's what he wants to do. Good luck with that three electoral vote head start.

John Edwards? Sure. He ran such a great campaign last time. (Read last sentence with dripping sarcasm.) He sat across from Darth Cheney in a debate and when Darth attacked him for not showing up in the senate and that he'd never met Edwards before, Edwards couldn't even remember that he had meet Cheney (it's on videotape) and if he did remember it he should have shoved it up Darth's ass and told America that, "See he lies about small things and he lies about big things. He just lies because that's who he is." No. Edwards sat there and smiled and got his ass kicked. The only way I could dislike Edwards more is if he pulled a Lieberman and betrayed the Democratic party as fully and as disgracefully as Joe Lieberman has.

Barack Obama? Okay. He's not horrible. In fact he's very smart and very likeable. I'd say he's "clean and articulate" but Joe Biden already covered that. I don't mind his so-called lack of experience. True, George Bush had the least experience of any modern president and look how that turned out. The difference is Obama got to Harvard without daddy's help and he earned his way onto the law review and then president of the review. He has also taught constitutional law at University of Chicago so I'm going to bet he has a bit more respect for the entire document rather than just the "commander in chief" line that Bush and his pack of authoritarian handmaidens love so much. But let's be honest. Obama has no chance. I voted for him in 2004 and I'd vote for him over the others but this country is not going to elect an African-American in 2008 and I want to win the White House. It's a shame but it's the truth. This country has a deep streak of bigotry and whether it's religion or race a lot of people are irrationally suspicious and will never vote for him. Democrats can't get enough people to vote for two white guys to win and I think there are a lot of places in America that won't vote for him simply based on race. It's wrong but it's a reality in America today. Maybe Obama can lay the groundwork to change that for a future run because he is very smart and people really like him and the country will see that clearly. And by the way, forget about Obama being a vice-presidential pick under Hillary. He's much more likeable and warm than she is and she would never let anyone take a flicker of candlelight away from her spotlight. He also adds nothing to her vote count so that's that. She would win Illinois anyway and I doubt people who would vote for Obama would vote for some GOP candidate. Look for Jim Webb for VP. If he loses he still stays in Senate and if he wins he's vice-president. Not a bad choice.

Hillary. Unfortunately she will win the Democratic nomination. She has the money, the fundraising organization, the network, Bill and the experience to measure every word she says carefully so as not to say anything that will kill her chances. After eight years of W people will long for the Clinton years and if it takes electing her to get him again they'll do it. Bill will end up as Secretary of State and she'll be Madam President. It will also drive every Republican insane and that galactic irritant to the evil empire, otherwise known as the GOP, seems to makes sense in a sick sort of way. It's like the ultimate payback. I say she'll unfortunately be the party's pick because I'm just sick of both the Clintons and the Bushes. This nation is becoming a big House of Lords where your family's last name is all you need to get your federal office. Three-hundred million people in the pool and we always go to the very, very shallow end? When does the Chelsea for President campaign begin? Right around the time Jenna for President campaign kicks off? There has to be better people than these in the nation to run things. There just has to be. Come out come out wherever you are. I feel like clicking my heels together chanting, "there's no place like home, there's no place like home."

So there you have it. Hillary will win the democratic nomination and will just win the presidency. Unless of course she calls Obama "clean and articulate." Then I'd put some money down on President Gore.

5 Comments:

Blogger d.K. said...

You think America cannot elect a Black man but will elect a woman who chose not to bake cookies but had the audacity to work, instead? You way overestimate us, my friend.

9:37 AM  
Anonymous westfield said...

I'm an independant. Unlikely I'd vote for a repub after the screwing they have given the poor on minimum wages; not to mention the general neglect of the nation in every area except in an ill-concieved and inane unilateral "global war on terrorism." In a way I agree with d.k. about Ms. Clinton, but I think there is more; behind Hillary there seems to be a hunger for power and money. She got a Senate seat in NY, but what will work with NYers won't necessarily translate to the general population of the nation because there is underlying distrust of her. People on the street think she is smart, but not sincere and not passionately motivated to propel the programs she appears to support; she's been too cautious. Furthermore, people are skittish about the dynasty; Bill begets Hillary as George Sr. begot the W we're stuck with for now. With all that said, Democrats probably will sellect Hillary in the primary, but she could very well fail in the general election against a Republican that renounces the current war stategy. Ordinarily, Obama wouldn't have a chance, but if he could win the Democratic nomination, then I think he might narrowly win the Presidency. McCain could have had a chance, but he apparently thinks we can win a war and create democracy in Iraq which a vast number of Americans conceptually disagree. Obama could beat McCain, but McCain isn't going to be there. Obama might beat Julianni, but Obama isn't going to be there. Julianni can beat Hillary in the nation-wide election, but then maybe Americans are just so fed-up with the Republican party, as was demonstrated in the recent election, Hillary might prevail.

6:09 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

Hmmm... I think Obama has a chance. That may be wishful thinking, I guess.

8:33 AM  
Blogger rMatey said...

More likely scenario is where, due to terrorist threats to the U.S., Bush declares marshall law and suspends election until the threat is over (in a century or two.)

10:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr. Curmudgeon - is your real problem that your daddy was not successful and could not pass anything successful on on to you? If you wind up being successful, will you not be willing to give your kids a chance to do the same thing? Why don't you go to Cuba - where there's no chance? Any complaints from you about JFK's rich daddy and how he got to be president?

8:13 PM  

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