Sunday, October 07, 2007

You Won't Believe This

When I last left you I was in the middle of war. War against chipmunks. After dispatching with Alvin and sending him (or her it's really hard to know) to acorn heaven another furry burrower took up residence under my patio. My guilt of committing animal murder, justifiable in my opinion, was replaced with a single rage of eradicating these patio destroyers from my lands. But when I caught the second chipmunk on a glue trap I showed him some mercy and put him in a cage, my worthless Have-a Heart trap that doesn't work, and drove him a couple of miles away and released him from the glue trap by pouring vegetable oil on him. The oil dissolves the glue. In a few moments Alvin Jr. was running into the forest to terrorize some other chipmunk or person. Job well done. Moby Dick has been slain, or released in some other place far away from Ahab. But alas, it was not to be.

The day or two of bliss was shattered when coming home one day I saw the burrow had been re-excavated. Moby was back and as big a dick as ever. Not to panic. I had a good supply of glue traps. So I calmly set a couple around the hole next to my patio and waited. Not even enough time to watch a rerun of Seinfeld had gone by when I saw I had captured the third chipmunk to test my hunting abilities. Once again I put on my work gloves and placed the chipmunk trapped on the glue board into the cage trap, grabbed the vegetable oil and drove to the release site. Once again I poured oil on the varmit and once again it slide free shortly thereafter and scampered away. This has to be it. Chipmunk free at last.

But it was not to be. Two days later the same burrow was dug up again. Now my mind was playing tricks on me. Could this be the same chipmunk I released twice? Could it possibly be finding its way back to my patio? I've read stories of dog's left hundreds of miles away from home and somehow find their way back but a chipmunk? This time if I caught it I would drive it miles and miles way so that it really couldn't get back. So I put a glue trap down and waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. Usually it took only 15 or 20 minutes for the little rodent to make a misstep onto glue-land. Not this time. Could it really be the same chipmunk that found its way back twice and now it knows not to get close to the glue board? Is that even possible? Before I could answer that question I saw the glue trap jumping around. Alvin IV was caught. Now this was routine. I took the oil, cage and gloves out there and put him in the cage and then into the hatch of the station wagon and drove away. thinking how far should I drive him before I release him? The answer was taken out of my hands.

So I'm doing 60 down the highway around the corner from my house when I hear scurrying and the sound of metal. I look over my shoulder and on the right armrest of my kid's car seat is the chipmunk. Holy shit! I'm doing 60 mph with a pissed off chipmunk loose in my car. As I pull over to the shoulder Alvin leaps into the front passenger area between the door and some bags on the floor. I can't see him but all I can think is there are rabies shots in my future. I lean over and open the door and almost immediately he jumps out into the underbrush on the side of the highway. Holy hell. I knew I should have killed it and just be done with it.

I get back home and open the hatch and there on the glue trap inside the cage is the last inch or two of the tail of Alvin IV. It's gone from Moby Dick to some horror flick. At least now if it comes back I'll know for sure if it's the same chipmunk. I also am leaning towards a quick execution at the scene since this close encounter with a tailless pissed off chipmunk trapped in a passenger compartment has taught me to either be merciless or don't even bother catching them. Anything in between is hazardous to your health.



Blogger For Obama '08 said...

Surge going just barely well enough (yes, even I have to admit it) to complain about Bush? Too embarrassed by Harry Reid making a fool of himself by implicitly blaming a talk show host for the Dems' woes? Certainly I'm embarrassed by it. So please, NO HILLARY! GO OBAMA! STOP THE CHIPMUNK STORIES!

8:23 AM  
Blogger For Obama '08 said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

8:24 AM  
Blogger Capt. Fogg said...

Reiner Wahnsinn.

11:51 AM  
Blogger For Obama '08 said...

Yes, I would agree -- pure insanity -- the chipmunk stories, that is! Why doesn't anone want to discuss how critical it is to elect a progressive as the next president? To me, that's Obama! Hillary deep down may be a progressive, but she has been too corrupted by the system. Her health care proposal is now half-assed!

12:42 PM  
Blogger Capt. Fogg said...

Vielleicht weil es so viele andere politische blogs gibt? Präsident Obama oder Clinton - es ist mir egal und kaum wichtig.

Wass die Welt am meistens braucht ist eine Nagetier-Jäger Erörterungs Grüppe. Diese kleine Tiere, erinneren Sie, die originale Terroristen sind.

Heute Alvin, Morgen das Welt.

4:35 PM  
Blogger For Obama '08 said...

I've watched your posts for awhile, Capt. Fogg. It seems you more like to tear down the people who write in who disagree with you, instead of engaging in a conversation important to our country. While Cranky has had a few silly chipmunk posts in a row now, he often does engage in political commentary that's quite insightful, but then when someone disagrees with him, you tend to act as his vicious hatchet man.

10:57 PM  
Blogger Cranky's Wife said...

If you don't like stories about the stuff going on in our lives then go to a purely political blog. Or come over and get rid of our chipmunk problem.

9:39 AM  
Blogger Capt. Fogg said...

Whether I'm debating or tearing down will always be a subjective assessment. Really what you're saying is that I disagree with the people I disagree with which isn't very useful.

Of course my disagreement becomes less than friendly toward those who are abusive or outrageous or who dishonestly advocate totalitarianism and that does characterize so much of what comes out of the Republican propaganda establishment. The thing in German about rodent-hunters was pure tongue in cheek, by the way, but as i said, there are lots of places - perhaps too many - at which to discuss politics and that includes the blogs I write for. I apologize if you're not a German speaker, but there was nothing insulting there. I was agreeing with you in joke form.

If by some miracle, someone could make an honest and reasonable argument for Giuliani, for instance, I might be willing to discuss it but if someone is parroting Limbaugh or Coulter and spewing lies, hate and advocating fascism - why then it's open season.

You have to remember though that I know a few of the regulars here personally and there may be a history you don't know about.

You may notice that I'm not trashing Obama.

10:29 AM  
Blogger For Obama '08 said...

Good to hear, Capt. Fogg. Basically I agree with you and I certainly have no problem with you dumping on the Repugs. I'm not a big Giuliani fan but I do think he's at least sincere when it comes to being pro-choice and pro- gay rights, although he's having to pander to the right wing a bit, which is too bad, but not unexpected. And I do visit other "more political" blogs, although for quite awhile this seemed to me to be a pretty political blog as well. I guess with it being well after Labor Day, I was hoping things would "crank up" (pun intended!).

10:54 AM  
Blogger Howard said...

I never knew what I was missing since you left the train. Long live the chipmuncks!!!!

Let' do lunch again.


12:10 PM  
Blogger Ellen Beth said...

Ok ok. Solve the problem. Release the chipmunk in front of Mark Kirk's house.

3:03 PM  
Blogger Crankyboy said...

A weasel for a weasel?

3:43 PM  
Blogger For Obama '08 said...

A must read for Capt. Fogg and Crankyboy. It's tough for me as an Obama supporter to read it, but it has some merit. Let's get our own BIG ideas!

3:24 PM  
Anonymous Progressive Man said...

I cried when I read the Weekly Standard article. I know they're badly biased, but I'm frightened that the Republicans might latch onto this "no big ideas" theme and win again in '08. President Giuliani? UGH!

9:26 AM  
Blogger For Obama '08 said...

Why have Schumer and Feinstein lent their support to Mukasey? I hate to say this, but I wonder if the pro-Israel lobby has been pressuring these two Jewish senators?

9:33 PM  
Anonymous Steve Minsky - CAP said...

What Your Township Assessor Doesn’t Want You to Know

Grayslake, IL November 5, 2007 -- When it comes to property assessments, many homeowners feel utterly powerless. In response to the Lake County Chief Assessor's Tax Assessment Help Centers and Public Information Meetings, Citizens Action Project (CAP) is holding a one-time only "What Your Township Assessor Doesn’t Want You to Know" Public Informational Meeting on November 27th @ 7:30PM at the Byron Colby Barn, Jones Point Rd. and Rt. 45, in Grayslake.

CAP will tell homeowners what they really need to know about property assessments and how they can appeal. Citizens who have successfully appealed their assessments will be on hand to answer questions and offer advice.

In July, CAP published a White Paper exposing serious problems in the Lake County assessment system that results in inaccurate assessment, lack of due process and uneven treatment of similar properties. There have been cosmetic improvements on the Lake County website as a result of the White Paper, but the county board has done nothing to change the taxpayer-hostile system. For example, 2007 assessments are slated to rise at least 9 percent in Avon Township alone despite a widespread home market depression.

In the October issue of Forbes Magazine, Lake County was found to have the highest property assessments in the Midwest. CAP is seeking to create transparency, fairness, and accountability in an assessment process that has obviously spiraled out of control. As this is a countywide problem, CAP encourages citizens from every Lake County Township to attend this meeting.

CAP has received pledges of support from State Senators Michael Bond and Susan Garrett, Representative Sandy Cole, Lake County Board Members Larry Leafblad and Terese Douglas, among others. State legislation is currently being written with Senator Bond to enact reform.

The Citizens Action Project is a volunteer organization dedicated to fairness, accountability and transparency in public agencies. The group has 501(c)4 status under the U.S. Internal Revenue Code. To read the complete white paper, go to


Steve Minsky
Vice President, CAP

10:31 AM  
Blogger For Obama '08 said...

A most Happy Thanksgiving to all my liberal brothers and sisters. Obama leads in Iowa!!!!!

11:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Uh oh! Surge is working. Nothing to complain about.

11:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

11:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glue traps are torture. Get a cat, a tried and true destroyer of rodents.

10:05 PM  
Blogger For Obama '08 said...


1:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

McCain vs. Hillary. Game over!

6:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

McCain vs. Hillary. Game over!

6:21 AM  
Blogger For Obama '08 said...

Whither Cranky? All this election excitement and not a single post?

12:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


You give new meaning to the phrase not in my backyard. Lets hope that PETA doesn't find out, but with all those unhappy cows in California I think your safe.

Uncle Joe

6:50 AM  
Blogger d.K. said...

Wow, I read the post and loved it, because I bought some "save the rodent" traps a few years back when I had a field mouse in my home... I caught him and released him to the wild and hoped he'd not return. It was a nice story, as was your.

So, where the F. did those comments come from? I must have missed a larger context, because you're being attacked for things so unrelated to that story (unless it was satire, whose theme was completely lost on me).

In any event, kudos for going the extra mile for not punishing the little varmints for doing what they do - even if at the wrong place/time. :)

9:05 PM  
Blogger d.K. said...

Wow, I read the post and loved it, because I bought some "save the rodent" traps a few years back when I had a field mouse in my home... I caught him and released him to the wild and hoped he'd not return. It was a nice story, as was your.

So, where the F. did those comments come from? I must have missed a larger context, because you're being attacked for things so unrelated to that story (unless it was satire, whose theme was completely lost on me).

In any event, kudos for going the extra mile for not punishing the little varmints for doing what they do - even if at the wrong place/time. :)

9:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where's our guiding light in this time of global crisis?

12:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The masked crusader has been vanquished. We're left to fight for ourselves in these dark and dismal times. Poor Cranky - RIP.

1:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cranky - where art thou?

1:10 PM  

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