Thursday, August 17, 2006

Diarrhea of the mouth and other Republican illnesses

There is a virus sweeping Republicans that leads to political diarrhia of the mouth. It's always been there, sort of like the varicella-zoster virus, the same virus responsible for chicken pox that can remain dormant until it reactivates and causes shingles a painful nerve and skin malady. The virus in Republicans is reactivated when there is fear of loss of power or a of fear of not ascending to power. To wit:

First there is Tramm Hudson, the current front runner in the GOP primary in FL-13, the Congressional District being vacated by the imfamous Katherine Harris. Hudson had an attack of Republican-itis with his confident claim that blacks aren't good swimmers or can swim at all. It needs to be seen to be believed. Then of course there is Sen. Geroge Allen (R-VA) who called a volunteer for his opponent a "macaca" on videotape and now claims he is too stupid to be a racist. Not all Republicans are racist, but all racists seem to be Republicans.

Then there is Sen. Orrin Hatch, "who continuously decries the bitter partisanship in Washington, explained this week that Democratic success in November's election could result in terrorist attacks on America. Hatch was quoted in Tuesday's Tooele Transcript Bulletin as saying Middle East terrorists are "waiting for the Democrats here to take control, let things cool off and then strike again." Hatch has been infected with the dormant Republican diarrhia of the mouth virus for awhile. In September 2004 he told the Washington Post that al-Qaida members wanted Democratic challenger John Kerry to defeat President Bush. Terrorists "are going to throw everything they can between now and the election to try and elect Kerry," Hatch said. Now who which party was in control of the White House and House of Representatives on 9/11? I forget. Must be a virus clouding my memory.

Then there is patient zero, Dick Cheney, who smirks and speaks out of the corner of his mouth as he says just about whatever is on his mind no matter what the facts or reality are. Another attack of Republican political diarrhea of the mouth happened to Cheney while campaigning in Montana for Sen. Conrad Burns. Explaining that a vote for Democrats is a vote for another 9/11, Cheney croaked, "Here in the U.S. we have not had another 9-11," the vice president said. "No one can guarantee we will not be hit again. But the relative safety in recent years is not an accident." Meaning, "Vote Republican or die."

Used to be "Live free or die." Now it's "Vote Republican, live in fear or die." Good thing an education has made me immune from either the disease or the attempt to infict me by listening to verbal diarrhea. Vote Democratic to eradicate this disease.


Blogger Capt. Fogg said...

So what your saying is vote paragoric?

3:47 PM  
Blogger Crankyboy said...

There is a similar word in the english language - paregoric.

5:11 PM  
Blogger Capt. Fogg said...

Sorry, I'm not as familiar with the opiate drugs as you are, but it's not actually English, you see; it's Greek.

Although the pharmacopoea does spell it with an e, in real Greek it comes from paragoras - something to soothe. Sorry, I don't have greek fonts here, but as so often happens with brilliant and superbly educated people like me, I'm hampered by knowing too much.

6:22 PM  
Blogger Crankyboy said...

If you're so smart then why did you mispell paregoric?

8:21 PM  
Blogger Capt. Fogg said...

I didn't. the root word is Agora and the word paragoras originally referred to a kind of soothing speech. Agora of course, begins with an alpha.

It's the drug people who misspell it. Perhaps this is a result of a brain on drugs?

Did I remember to tell you how smart I am?

7:35 AM  
Blogger Capt. Fogg said...

Oh yes, and by the way it's misspell, not mispell.

7:38 AM  
Blogger Crankyboy said...

you don't get my humor in misspelling "misspell?"

8:31 AM  
Blogger Capt. Fogg said...

If you're so funny, why did you mispell Misspell - or is it Miss Pell you're talking about?

By the way, did I tell you how funny I am?

9:10 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

You guys sure are smart. And funny.

7:08 PM  
Blogger Crankyboy said...

guilty as charged.

10:48 PM  
Blogger Capt. Fogg said...

Yeah, but I'm smarter and funnier. Just ask me.

9:10 AM  

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